Misery loves comfort

What is it that makes me miserable? Feeling guilty, feeling like a failure, feeling like I could have achieved more.

If I set myself a task and don't complete it I give myself an excuse. You know the ones. 'I didn't exercise today because I hurt my foot...' to which you will receive sympathy from others. But let's be totally honest, you could have done something right?

'I didn't get that craft done today because I was so busy at work/the kids were playing up/I didn't feel well...' to which you will receive a supporting 'oh yes, I know how hard it is.' from others.

I spout off excuses to myself and end up making myself miserable because deep down I know the truth, I could have done something. And I don't even bother getting the sympathy responses!

Even if you broke your leg, wouldn't you feel proud of yourself if you grabbed the hand weights and did a few reps on the lounge? If the kids are demanding attention wouldn't you pat yourself on the back if you got them involved in a craft and then put in some time on your own project simultaneously? Have we become so accustomed to searching for excuses that we fail to see that the excuses are not valid reasons and only make us even unhappier?

No one else cares if I don't exercise, no one really notices if I don't give enough time to an artwork because no one knows I planned it in the first place. The only person monitoring my progress is me, and I am the one that fails myself by not just getting out there and doing it. Anything.

Are we afraid of being proud of ourselves? Now that is the million dollar question. Am I afraid of being happy with myself? Delving into places I would rather not venture I would tentatively say yes, I am afraid of being proud of myself. No, I don't know why yet.

I had a wonderfully supportive mother growing up (who is still my greatest fan), my husband stands beside me in my projects, my friends compliment me and my brother always has lovely things to say about my work. Why in hell have I conditioned myself to accept misery??

The whole cycle is ridiculous. I know i feel better during my day if I exercise in the morning.Yes, it means getting up earlier (which I loathe!) and entertaining darling son while I jump around in front of the screen, bopping along to the music. But X is happy to munch on a banana and declare, as he jumps around, that he is exercising too. It doesn't stop me doing it and afterwards I feel proud of myself, so why do I avoid it so often?

Part of me has a constant fear that happiness always comes before a fall. Should I be happy, something bad will follow. Mentally, a ridiculous concept to give time to, but emotionally, a background fear that is hard to shake. The truth being, of course, is that bad stuff will happen. Yep, it sucks. Shit happens, even the bumper stickers say so. Does it happen because we let ourselves be happy or feel proud of ourselves for a moment? Hell no! All we secure for ourselves by sabotaging our own happiness is a constant supply of misery, fun stuff. 

Have I, as so many others in our younger generations, fallen into the bottomless pit of laziness? Do I want everything to just fall into my lap without effort? Well, yeah, of course. Stupid question! Who wouldn't want everything for no effort? Do I expect everthing to fall into my lap without effort?Hmmm, I guess I do. Wow, that's stupid.

So, my task (should I choose to accept it) is to just get out there and do it. Don't look back, don't worry about what will follow my bout of self-contentment, just do it. Way to go Nike, you finally got me repeating crappy sports mantras. But the sneaker-dudes have a point.

As a result, I did feel crappy today (thanks little son for sharing your Kindy germs...) but i got stuck into my idea for my Australia Day craft and its turning out pretty good. I didn't get to everything on my list, but that is what tomorrow is for. I will do it, I will feel proud of myself and I will enjoy the feeling.

Get out there today, do that thing you planned on and let yourself achieve something. Pat yourself on the back, smile in the mirror and plan your next achievement for tomorrow. The days are rushing away so quickly now that you need to slow them down and fill them up with stuff, stuff you can look back on at the end of the week and list the things you achieved. Be one of those annoying smiling people who can do everything they set out to do so your friends can go on about how they wish they had time to get that sort of stuff too if it weren't for - fill in the blanks - . :D


Be happy.